Through the Tears and the Heartache
by ZombieSam
Summary: Are Amy and Ty strong enough to fight through the trials laid before them to one another? Rated T for language. I do not own Heartland.


My arms wrapped around my knees, the rain pouring down my face. The ground was soaked and freezing beneath me. Tears streaked down my face. I couldn't stand this. I couldn't stand any of it. My mother's death, I had learned to deal with that. But this, the idea of never feeling his arms wrapped around me again was a horrifying idea.

But it was true.

The man I loved with all of my heart hated me with everything in him, and there was nothing I could do to change his mind. He hated me, and that was final. I deserved it, though. I deserved it, though. I deserved his hate and so much more. I had ruined everything, with no hope of ever repairing the lacerations that covered my once full and loved heart. Everything I loved for was now out of my reach, and would never be close enough to ever brush my fingers against again.

I ruined everything in my life. Nothing ever went the way I wanted. All I wanted was for things to be like they were. I wanted the love of my life back. I wanted my mom back. I wanted my family and my old life back. This was horrible.

But it wasn't just my life I had destroyed. I deserved all of this. The only thing I could think of that I didn't deserve was my life. Or him. I definitely didn't deserve him. He was great, sweet, loving... perfect. Everything I wanted and everything I couldn't have. Everything I wished I deserved.

I shuddered, but it wasn't from the cold of the rain. My heart was broke, shattered into a thousand pieces.

Thunder rumbled overhead, and I rose to my feet. The mud splattered beneath my feet, and I lost count after five of my falls. I had no idea where I was going, or what I was going to do once I dot there. I just knew I couldn't stay near him. Not when I had cause us both so much pain.

I looked down at my hands as I trudged through the mud. They were bright red, and I figured they would be painful if my entire body wasn't already numb. I couldn't feel the tears running down my face any longer, but I wasn't sure if it was the rain's fault or if I had cried myself dry. I didn't care.

There was only one thing I care about, and I had successfully driven him away.

_**TTH**_

The mountain loomed before me, but it wasn't a problem. In fact, I welcomed the challenge it held. Maybe, just for a little while, I wouldn't feel the heartache the pain of despair. I longed for a physical pain strong enough to distract me from my aching emotions.

The trail was dangerous, but I didn't care if I slipped to my death from the steep cliff. I had nothing to live for. The tears might flow for a few days from my family off and on, but I knew they wouldn't last. In no time, I would be forgotten, and I was perfectly okay with that. Really. The less people thought of me, the better. I was worthless, after all.

The burning in my calves wasn't nearly enough to erase everything from my mind. I pushed my weary body into a run, and sloshed through the mud. The increased burning was almost instataneous, and I was glad for that.

I rounded a curve and slid waist deep into a mud puddle. I struggled for minutes on end to free myself, and once I had, I jumped back into a run, wishing with all my might that the mountain would rise again.

My feet slipped from under me, and I felt myself falling. Instinct twisted my body sideways, slamming my shoulder roughly against the muddied ground. My head slammed against a hidden rock.

The rain slide down my face, and I blinked as it trailed into my eye. Black lipped at the edges of my vision, and I wondered if I would see my mom again. Of course, there was no way she would want to see me. I was a disappointment; a disgrace. I was unfit to be in my mother's presence ever again.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, "for everything."

_**TtTatH**_

My eyes trained on my bloody knuckles. I knew the office wall didn't look any better. Damn her. Damn her for stealing my heart and shattering it to pieces.

I couldn't think of anything I had done to deserve it. All I had done was love her. I had loved her with all of my heart, and she had taken advantage of it. Damn her!

Pain ricocheted up my arm as my fist slammed into the wall again, and I knew immediately that my hand ws broken. The tears that sprung to my eyes weren't the result of the broken bones, though. Dammit, I still loved her. Nothing would ever change that. Nothing.

My forehead rested against the office wall. Of all the things she could have done, why did it have to be the one thing that would destroy my trust in her? Why wasn't she happy with what we had?

How long passed, I had no idea. The time came, however, when I could no longer stay in the barn. I needed something, but I had nothing to go to. My home was upstairs. All my belongings were there, but my life was gone. That had struggled out of the barn - seconds? Minutes? Hours? - long ago. My heart pulled me to her, despite the pain she had cause me. My brain argued, fighting to preserve what was left of me.

_**TTH**_

I felt dead, shuffling through the muddy yard as rain poured down around me. She was gone - to the house, I suspected - and soon I would be too. My keys hung noiselessly from my right hand. The familiar squeak as I opened the door sent a jolt of annoyance down my spine, but the loud slam brought me nothing but satisfaction.

The engine roared to life and I spent no time spinning out of the muddied drive. My truck slid in the inches of mud, and there were several times I almost lost control. I didn't care. My reason for living was gone.

I did the only thing I knew to do. I drove. I drove as fast as I could along the winding country roads. Tears streaked down my face. This had to be a dream, it had to! There was no way she would do it to me. No matter how much I loved to hear her say "I love you" to me, I had lost count of the number of times the words had left her mouth.

Somewhere along the line, I lost the will to drive any farther. The one thing in the world I wanted was in the opposite direction. It tore me up to think of her actions, but there was no way I could just walk away from her. I loved her more than anything in the world.

A high pitched ringing drew me from my thoughts. I looked at the clock on the dash - 3:43 a.m. - before reaching for my phone. Almost an entire day had passed since she told me.

The caller was Lou, and I sighed. "Hello?" My voice was weak, I knew, but I didn't care.

"Ty! Is Amy with you?" Her voice was hopeful, and I was shaking my head instantly.

"No, she's not," I answered, and dread clutched my heart at the piercing wail on the other side of the line. The phone slipped from my hand and clattered to the floor. I could hear Lou crying over the roar of my engine as I whipped the truck around. Thank God I hadn't driven far away.

The drive seemed to take longer than it did in reality. Sometime, maybe half an hour ago, Jack had wrestled the phone from Lou. His yelling was barely louder than the truck, but I didn't reach for the phone. That would take too much time. Time I needed to get back to Heartland.

**I had planned to continue this, but now that I've typed it up, I doubt I will. I'm not really a fan of this story. I'm actually kind of ashamed. But, I guess its up to you guys!**


End file.
